My Child Is Scared at Bedtime: 7 Gentle Ways to Make Night-Time Feel Safer

The house is quiet. The toys have been put away, teeth are brushed, pyjamas are on - and suddenly a worry that barely seemed to exist at four o'clock has become enormous.

Perhaps there is something under the bed. Perhaps that shadow looks different tonight. Perhaps your child simply doesn't want you to leave.

If your child is scared at bedtime, you certainly aren't alone. Night-time removes many of the distractions of the day, while darkness can make familiar things look unfamiliar. A lively imagination that creates wonderful games and stories during daylight hours can also become rather too good at its job when the lights go out.

The aim doesn't necessarily have to be convincing a child that there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Sometimes it can be gentler to help night-time itself begin to feel familiar, predictable and safe.

Here are seven ideas to try.

1. Give worries somewhere to go before bedtime

Bedtime is rarely the easiest moment to solve a worry.

Try creating a little space earlier in the evening when your child can tell you anything that is bothering them. They might prefer to draw it, write it down or pop it into a special 'worry box'.

The important part is letting the worry be heard without allowing it to take over the whole bedtime routine.

'Does this worry need something from us, or did it just want to be noticed?'

Sometimes being noticed is enough.

2. Make bedtime wonderfully predictable

Children don't need an elaborate bedtime routine. In fact, simple and familiar can be reassuring.

It might be: bath → pyjamas → teeth → story → cuddle → lights down.

Following roughly the same sequence each evening creates little signals that tell the brain what comes next.

Official NHS advice recommends a calming, predictable bedtime routine; its guidance for young children suggests beginning a wind-down around 30 minutes before the time a child usually falls asleep. [1][2]

It doesn't need to run like a military operation, though. This is bedtime, not air-traffic control.

3. Let there be a little light

If your child is frightened of the dark, there is no prize for achieving complete darkness.

A small nightlight, a landing light or a slightly open door may make their bedroom feel much safer. NHS guidance specifically suggests considering a nightlight or landing light for children who are afraid of the dark. [1]

As confidence grows, your child may decide they need it less. For now, feeling secure matters more than proving they can manage without it.

4. Give the imagination a better job

Trying to tell an imaginative child not to imagine frightening things can be remarkably unsuccessful.

So try giving that imagination somewhere else to go.

Choose a place together. Perhaps there is a meadow where flowers close their heads at night. Perhaps a tiny lantern is glowing beside a woodland path. Perhaps an owl is beginning his evening rounds.

Ask only a question or two: What can you see? What can you hear? Who might live there?

Then let your child's imagination do what it does best - but this time, in a direction that feels comforting.

5. Create one tiny night-time ritual

A ritual is slightly different from a routine.

A routine says, we brush our teeth before bed. A ritual says, before I go, we always look out of the window and find the brightest star.

It might be three slow breaths together. One ridiculous secret handshake. Choosing tomorrow's breakfast. Putting a favourite teddy 'on watch'. Finding the moon.

It doesn't have to make anybody sleepy. Its real job is to become a familiar little marker that says: We've reached this part of the evening. Everything is as it should be.

6. Turn down the noise before trying to turn down the child

Going directly from television, gaming or energetic play to RIGHT, BED! asks quite a lot of a small brain.

Try introducing a quieter stretch beforehand. Books, drawing, colouring, gentle conversation, puzzles or simply pottering together can provide a bridge between daytime and sleep.

NHS children's sleep guidance recommends reducing screens before bed and using calm or quiet offline activities such as reading or colouring. [1][2][3]

Think of it less as an OFF switch and more as slowly turning down a dimmer.

7. Don't make bravery the price of reassurance

Some nights will be easier than others.

A child who happily slept in darkness yesterday may want the door open tonight. A worry you thought had disappeared may suddenly return.

That doesn't erase the progress that came before it. Childhood confidence rarely travels in a perfectly straight line.

Sometimes the most reassuring message is simply: You don't have to love the dark tonight. We can make tonight feel a little easier.

And tomorrow, you begin again.

A little Glowfen thought

At Glowfen, we rather like imagination.

We don't think it always needs switching off at bedtime. Sometimes it simply needs somewhere gentler to wander.

That's part of the idea behind Tindra and the Midnight Meadow, a forthcoming Glowfen story about a little girl named Marnie who doesn't much like night-time - until Tindra shows her that darkness contains rather more than shadows.

Until then, perhaps tonight you could invent your own midnight meadow.

You only need somewhere quiet, one imaginary path... and something glowing at the end of it.

Gentle note for parents: Occasional bedtime fears are common, but persistent or severe sleep difficulties or worries that significantly affect your child during the day are worth discussing with an appropriate health professional. NHS guidance advises seeking further support if sleep difficulties continue to cause concern. [1]

References

[1] NHS - Sleep and young children - https://www.nhs.uk/baby/health/sleep-and-young-children/ — Predictable bedtime routine, dim/night light, screen guidance and further support.

[2] Healthier Together - Healthy Sleep (ages 5-12) - https://www.healthiertogether.nhs.uk/child-under-12-years/healthy-sleep — Calm routines, stories, screens and worry-box suggestions.

[3] Bedfordshire & Luton Children's Health - Sleep routines for toddlers and children - https://www.bedslutonchildrenshealth.nhs.uk/sleep/healthy-sleep-routines/sleep-routines-for-toddlers-and-children/ — Quiet offline activities and switching off electronics before bed.